She had no fear of its spreading farther through his means. There were few people on whose secrecy she would have more confidently depended; but, at the same time, there was no one whose knowledge of a sister's frailty would have mortified her so much―not, however, from any fear of disadvantage from it individually to herself, for, at any rate, there seemed a gulf impassable between them.Had Lydia's marriage been concluded on the most honourable terms,it was not to be supposed that Mr. Darcy would connect himself with a family,where to every other objection,would now be added an alliance and relationship of the nearest kind with the man whom he so justly scorned.
What a triumph for him,as she often thought,could he know that the proposals which she had proudly spurned only four months ago, would now have been most gladly and gratefully received! He was as generous, she doubted not, as the most generous of his sex; but while he was mortal, there must be a triumph.
From such a connection she could not wonder that he would shrink.The wish of procuring her regard,which she had assured herself of his feeling in Derbyshire, could not in rational expectation survive such a blow as this. She was humbled, she was grieved;she repented,though she hardly knew of what.She became jealous of his esteem,when she could no longer hope to be benefited by it.She wanted to hear of him,when there seemed the least chance of gaining intelligence.She was convinced that she could have been happy with him,when it was no longer likely they should meet.